I still remember almost snarfing my coke when a college buddy said that. He and I and about five other friends were crowded around a four-top at Village Inn, our middle of the night Mecca. The topic of conversation: Hurt People Hurt People. My best friend at the time had said it, quoting someone else, I think, and it just flew high above all of our heads. Seems that when you’re drunk on bacon grease and soda it’s difficult to grasp even the simplest of concepts. Some of the attempts to reach for understanding: Hurt People Kill People? Hurt People, HURT People?, Dumb People Are People, Hot People…okay, won’t go there.
The idea is simple. If someone is hurt, that person is much more likely to hurt others. Hurt people hurt people.
It reminds me of something my old pastor used to talk about when illustrating the same point. He would tell a story about a time that he was driving down his street, almost home, and he accidentally hit a poor, innocent puppy dog. Recognizing that it was his neighbor’s dog, he remembered that it was actually quite sweet tempered, so he instantly jumped out of his car to help it.
Much to his surprise, though only stunned and suffering from a broken leg, the dog snapped at him and snarled. It didn’t want anything to do with him, even though he just wanted to help.
Long story short, the puppy was okay. I mean, at least that’s how I remember it…
Both of these lovely anecdotes came back to me last night suddenly as I was experiencing my very own hurt animal story. I had recently downloaded the Lightsaber app to my iPhone, and was, um, testing it’s functionality in my living room. By the way, if you have an iPhone or iPod Touch and haven’t downloaded this app, I highly recommend it.
When you fire it up and then swing your phone around, it makes the all too familiar sounds that we’ve come to love about lightsabers. The whiring, the clashing, the cool theme music of dread. It’s awesome. As it turns out, it also is the most terrifying sound in the world to my cat.
Without warning as I was dueling with some imaginary Darth whatever, I felt tiny teeth sink in to my thigh. Looking down, my cat was attacking me…and not just once, but over and over and over again. Biting and leaping at me and scratching me with her imaginary front claws. Oddly, my imaginary lightsaber was much less effective.
For the rest of the night she was freaked out with a capital F. I suppose I could have actually just spelled it with a capital F, but that wouldn’t have done the level of freaked outedness any justice at all. I couldn’t touch her; I could barely get near her. It was like she didn’t know me…like I was a different person and she was a different cat.
My first instinct was to punish her. Teach her not to treat me like that. I’m the owner, dammit, how dare she attack me? Now I’m hurt, and I want to hurt her back.
This is a vicious cycle. Parents get into it with their kids. Wives get into it with their husbands. Friends get into it with friends. One person is hurt, that person hurts someone else, and after an endless session of bad pay it forward, there are bodies everywhere, and relationships are destroyed. In fact, this is the oldest story in history. Why are Catholics and protestants still fighting in Ireland? Why are Palestinians and Israelis still at war? Think of someone you don’t talk to anymore and ask yourself why there’s still a wall between you. Someone hurt someone who hurt someone else or hurt that person back…ugh, when you think about it, it’s exhausting.
I can’t say that I’ve mastered the solution to this problem. In fact, I have to admit that I’m actually terrible at playing this game. By that, I mean that no matter how much I prepare myself, no matter how much I’m aware of this process, I still fall into the trap. I still play along. And I think if you all are honest with yourselves, you do it too.
However there are lessons to be learned here. For one, if someone is behaving not quite like themselves, they are probably just hurt. Maybe even by you, but not necessarily. So cut people some slack. Don’t let yourself get all butt hurt back just because someone is a little short with you or is downright mean to you. Maybe that person just needs you to be understanding and needs time to heal.
Also, if you’re already playing this game…stop. Just stop. Stop blaming, stop hurting back. Stop being so easily offended. At some point, somebody has to draw the line – or maybe erase the line. Get over yourself and whatever it is that you’re hurt over. Forgive people who don’t deserve to be forgiven, even if they don’t forgive you back.
Like I said, I personally haven’t mastered this skill, but I’m working on it.
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